If you’re a Bachelor fan, then last night’s finale was heartbreaking. But I’ve found that after watching the show for a couple years, there’s going to be drama on a large scale, and yet, there’s the moments of real life love and heartbreak witnessed with the bachelors and bachelorettes that we can all learn from. Here’s the major pieces of advice that I’ve found useful:
- Focus on your relationship despite the distractions: On “The Bachelor”, there’s over 20 women dating one man. Although in real life that MAY be a little unrealistic, we can’t ignore that in the real dating world, it can be intimidating. But in the game of love, and although it’s easy to think it’s a competition, you bring your own unique gifts and personality into each relationship. Knowing yourself will give you confidence and place you in the best position possible to find love. It’s less important to worry about who else is out there, and more important to focus on whether you are a good match together and if this person is the right one for you.
- If you want to find love, you must make yourself vulnerable: When you’ve been through a broken heart, it’s natural to put up your guard and protect your feelings. This works only for the person who doesn’t care to ever be in a relationship again. But for someone who really wants to have a partner, you must continue to open up your heart to the next person, putting your whole self into it. If you don’t, you’ll be safe, but you’ll never find the true love you seek. There’s a saying by Rumi “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens”. That is what it means to find love.
- Follow your heart…: This was what I took away from last nights finale; There are those times when you meet someone and they look good on paper. You seem to click and you can see your life together with this person. Everybody loves them, and you have love for them too. If you went with the logical and obvious choice, you’d marry that person. But, in your heart, you just can’t be with them. You can’t explain it, but something is missing. You’re trying too hard to love them, and too hard to make everyone else happy except yourself. These are our biggest mistakes, continuing forward with someone who isn’t right for us, because we are listening to everyone else, and we may even feel obligated to be with that person. You must stay true to yourself, because this is your life and nobody is as invested in your life as much as you. Be sure you are choosing for you and not for anyone or anything else.
- …But keep your head: We all have “types” and even if those types are unhealthy for us, they’re also very comfortable. Our expectations of them and of ourselves are not challenged. But, if you keep dating the same type of person and finding yourself in the same negative experience and failure in relationships, it’s time to take a good hard look at what you need to do differently in attracting and being attracted to a healthy mate. This is all on you. Otherwise, don’t expect things to change for you.
- It’s ok to change your mind: In this season finale, we saw the heart wrenching footage of Arie breaking up with his fiance’ Becca, because he found that he was still in love with Lauren. As terrible as this is, it’s commendable that he was honest with himself and finally with his fiancé. Imagine the gut wrenching life the two of them would have had if he’d continued to deny his feelings, trying to make things work, eventually marrying and being miserable for months or years later. Life is too short to make those mistakes, and although he made an initial mistake for himself in asking the wrong person (for him) to marry, he really did them both a favor in confessing his feelings. No matter how far you are into a relationship, you can always turn around and change your mind. It will not be comfortable and it won’t be pretty, but in the long run, it’ll be better for both of you.
- You’ll recover and move on: Life is filled with ups and downs, loss and heartache, and wonderful joy. As hard as it is at the time to go through a breakup, and even though you feel like you’ll die, you’re still going to live and have a full life ahead of you. As devastating as it is to lose someone through breakup, divorce, or even death, and although some people may never recover emotionally, it’s ideal that you’ll eventually get through this and continue in your life. You will always carry a part of that person with you and your experience with them will change you. But you will continue on in life and hopefully, eventually find someone new to love.
- You’ll know when it’s right: If you haven’t been with someone who is completely right for you, then there’s no way to describe it. You’ll only know when you experience it. In the meantime, enjoy your life and blossom into the essence. Living your authentic self will attract that “one and only” true love into your life.
It’s hard enough to find a partner, and we all make mistakes. This season of “The Bachelor” showed us that even when we can make the worst mistakes, we can still recover and continue searching for love, and even though we may break our own or others hearts, we must stay true to ourselves, despite everything. I truly believe there will be a happy ending to this story! Stay tuned…