Megan, omg, I had a similar mother, which I believe is what set me up for the narcissists I chose as partners in my adulthood. Like your mother, everyone loves my mom. My friends think she’s wonderful. I just say to them, “well, she didn’t raise you.” I believe my mother birthed me so she’d have someone take care of her. From the age of five, I was cooking and cleaning, I’d wake her up in the morning and draw her bath so she’d get ready for work. I was neglected and abused. Anything I wanted for myself was denied, and I was severely punished if I tried to have fun without first cleaning the entire house, or any other laundry list she had for me, before I could go out and play. I wasn’t allowed to express myself (which is probably why I blog now). My brother, on the other hand, was a golden angel. I am the oldest, so I had to take care of him, and I got all the blame for anything that happened. She loves giving guilt trips, it’s her basic form of control. And the predators she brought into the house, the unsafe situations she put me in when I was a child, I’m surprised I’m not dead.
Now, I have two adult children, and she started treating them the same way when they became teenagers. She went off on my son when he came over to help her clean out a garage, because she becomes unglued if you aren’t following her commands by the letter. He doesn’t take that shit, so he doesn’t talk to her anymore.
She seduced my daughter into coming to live with her for a bit (even though I WARNED HER), and then she treated my daughter like a slave. She ALSO HID my daughter’s jury duty notice until afterwards! WTF?
We don’t talk to her anymore, I see her briefly a couple times a year, otherwise I don’t talk to her. She doesn’t call my kids on their birthdays, we don’t see her on holidays. My daughter has tried to reach out to her to wish her a Merry Christmas or whatever, and my mom ignores her. I’ve tried to make my kids understand that she’s treated them badly because of HER issues, not because there’s anything wrong with them. What kind of grandmother is mean and manipulative to her grandchildren? My mother, that’s who. And yet, everyone thinks she’s great. Well, I suppose she is, except to her family (eye roll).
Guess who’s not taking care of her when she gets older and needs help?
My kids and my husband and his family are my family. I think I came out on the better end.
Take care of yourself, Megan. You are not alone in the bad mother department. There’s so many horror stories we can both tell, and the best way we can recover is to make a good life for ourselves now.
❤ ❤ ❤